Jane - Seedling

  by Emma Haigh

published: 22 / 7 / 2004

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Jane is a thirtysomething single mum. Jane started making music in her spare time. Jane posted her songs on her own webpage and people started listening. The response was such that Jane got noticed by thems that make the decisions. Now Jane has an album. Jane is an inspiration. Jane is living her dream. Jane’s press people takes these facts to heart, they LOVE these facts. They have wrapped these facts with a big floppy bow and are presenting them to you with warm smiles and little shivers of excitement. They’re jumping up and down on the balls on their feet with anticipation. Jane’s press people are the neglected offspring to your neglectful mother. They’re shyly handing you another handmade No Smoking sign for the kitchen as you’re rolling up the first one of the day and are rummaging through empty bottles of whiskey for a kickstart. Vaguely aware that something’s going on, but damn you could have sworn that bottle was full last night. Jane’s press people would love it if you were a kitten-sweater wearing, strip mall shopping bored housewife on Xanax, because then maybe you’d listen. It would be very easy to mistake this album as something forgettable from the late 80's/early 90's. One of those albums that gets its airtime in airless SuperCentres and Mid-western Asda’s. Background muzak you try desperately not to listen to, because it will get stuck in your head because of how gosh-darned repetitive it is, and make you want to slit your eyes. This is what happens when synthesizers fall into the wrong hands, and words of polite encouragement are taken to heart. Single-mother who started doing music in her spare time she may be, that part’s commendable and really quite heartwarming in a ‘She’s living out her dream and isn’t that kicky’ kind of way. But she does it with a total lack of originality. Starting with her intentional omission of her surname, she takes all the rubbish bits of the similarly solo-monikered, tosses them about a bit and comes up with borderline plagiarism. Starting with the harmonica and sliding guitar riffs, ending with the chorus line, 'Never Thought It Was Love' proffers the same misguided wink at being a strong woman as Shania’s 'Man, I Feel Like a Woman'. Over-mixed echo effects on the vocals plus blippy attempts at the ethereal on (free) 'Place to Find You' are poor imitations of circa 1994 Madonna. 'Daddy' is essentially a cheap knock off of Cher, the video on the boat (a shift in tempo and a bit of slide guitar to give it a faux-country edge). With their preference for slap electrics and drum machines, semi-spoken juvenile lyrics, 'Where the Lone People Go' and 'Showdown '(waiting for a sign) mimics the teen careers of Kylie and Tiffany, while album-finisher 'Seedlings' pays a peculiar homage to Enya. This last one is quite beyond me, not half because why anyone would actually strive to imitate Enya when everyone else in the world has endeavored to erase all recollection of that collaboration, but because Enya put together some of the blandest, most asinine noise ever to come out of Europe. For f**ks’ sake even Bryan Adams struggles everyday with the fact that there is someone MORE insipid out there than he! On the other hand, this album is an unintentional laugh riot that provided me with a good hour of on the floor giggles and a trip down memory lane to boot. The drum machine! The inexplicable harmonica! The choir of Trumpets! The wanky slide guitar! The overproduced back-up vocals! The circa-Breakfast Club Molly Ringwald pumpy dance moves that it incites! The FANTASTICALLY MOTIVATIONAL lyrics! IS THERE A MOVIE BASED ON THIS STORY? THERE SHOULD BE! Because her inspirational message sure got across, and listening to all that talk of freedom called me to action! As soon as it was over, I threw my copy out the window. Unlike a bird on the wind, it did not soar. Instead it splintered on the floor. That Jane is a thirtysomething who started making music in her spare time is painfully evident. But definitely one for those who like their EZ-Rock with a little Oprah for the Chicken Soul. Or is it Chicken for the Oprah Soul?

Track Listing:-

1 Never Thought It Was Love
2 (Free) Place To Find You
3 Show Me Where The Lonely People Go
4 Daddy
5 I Wanna Stay Blind
6 Showdown (Waiting For A Sign)
7 Never To Blame
8 Plave To Find You [Acoustic Mix]
9 I See It All Now
10 Seedling

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