Miscellaneous - The Shopping Channel

  by Spencer Robertshaw

published: 13 / 2 / 2010

intro

In the latest in his 'Evidently Spencertown' poetry series, Spencer Robertshaw reflects upon one of television's oddest dangers

This month an education on how the media can control and destroy the masses. An in depth look at the perils of daytime and night-time television. Our intrepid columnist reports on some of the more interesting goods and services which can be attained. Buyer beware, no refunds! Getting sick of Holby City East Enders is far too gritty Coronation Street just plain shitty Then this is just for you The Shopping Channel The greatest hits of Right Said Fred Double glazing for your garden shed A cap for when things come to a head It’s the shopping channel baby A set of scales from a fish A Pyrex lid for your satellite dish A leprechaun to make a wish It’s the shopping channel baby A tube of cream for that rash decision A ten foot rule for long division Do it yourself circumcision Don't go hopping channels baby Memory foam pillows to remember your dreams And a silly plastic thing that just makes steam It’s the shopping channel baby Credit card in hand pick up the phone Fuck the mortgage I want memory foam It’s the shopping channel baby Now the monies gone but you have your goods On a monogrammed table by Tiger Woods Next to that soap that produces low suds It’s the shopping channel baby.